Faith Over Fear
Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.”
I begin with this scripture because it serves as a reminder to me that not long ago, I made a life decision that required me to trust in the Lord and remain steadfast in my faith. I had to let go of the worry and unanswered questions and focus on knowing Him so He could lead me to where I am today. It is that trust and faith that have brought me to this very place I am now.
For over 30-years, I have battled arthritis throughout most of my body, heavily impacting my left foot and ankle. I spent 16 years on disability and lived my life surgery-to-surgery, most of the time relying on a knee scooter or crutches to get around. Life was becoming more and more limited, and I just knew in my heart there was more for me. What I didn’t realize was that God was about to use this season in my life to show me all His wonder.
After dealing with chronic pain for so long, broken bones, and more than 23 unsuccessful surgeries, it was time to stop being scared and take a giant step on faith, and so I did by choosing to amputate my left foot. That decision did not come easily, but to this date, I’m happier than I have been in many years. There is a confidence within that I cannot explain. This was so much more than just improving my physical health; it was the beginning of my spiritual journey. After almost 2-years, it is very clear to me that God specifically chose this time in my life to grow me in my faith and bring me closer to Him. When I think back to initially making this decision, I remember it being all about “me.” Still, today, there is an entirely different purpose, and God is leading me to encourage others. No longer will I allow fear to hinder my faith. Today I testify to you that our God is truly patient, loving, and a healer of all things, a true miracle maker!
The decision to have surgery brought a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I didn’t want to be a burden to my husband or family, I questioned if I was exchanging my current pain and limitations for even more pain. When I finally decided it was time to move forward, I faced one obstacle after another. The first obstacle was in finding the right surgeon and care team. Every surgeon I met turned me away, basically saying my foot was too far gone for them to touch. Then, out of thin air, without looking, we were delivered to a very well-known and respected surgeon. During the consultation appointment the doctor was completely transparent with his medical opinion, and it was clear that amputation was my best opportunity to regain quality of life again. He sent me home with homework and told me to call when I was ready. We knew before leaving the office that we had just decided and it wasn’t long before I called his office to schedule. When I called the office they told me the doctor was out on a leave of absence without an anticipated return date. I was deflated; fear and doubt start clouding my every decision. Yet another obstacle, losing the only surgeon willing to help me, and a brilliant one at that. But wait!!! God had this already worked out because my case had been referred to another surgeon, who in fact was known for his new-age surgical skills and practices. I scheduled to meet with him April 2021 and planned to schedule surgery for July 2021.
Sadly, in that first appointment we learn he is leaving to pursue a once in a lifetime career opportunity, but if I am truly ready, he could schedule my surgery in May, which was much sooner than I planned. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.” It was then that I understood it was time to step out in faith and trust God. I believe He was setting things into motion to avoid me delaying what I already knew in my heart was best. He made a way for this gifted surgeon to cross my path which forced me to “Let Go and Let God”. We scheduled surgery for May 17, 2021.
The day before surgery we attended church service, and the congregation gathered to pray over me. For the very first time in my walk with the Lord I felt a pouring into my spirit that I have never experienced. It was as if all worry and anxiety were washed clean and replaced with peace and comfort. I had been listening to the worship song, “Raise A Hallelujah” over and over, letting the lyrics flood me with confidence and strength. The night before surgery we stayed in a hotel near the hospital, and I woke up at 3AM and continued to worship. It was fueling my courage and I could feel God pouring into me all that I needed. I wasn’t scared or doubtful on my decision. I wasn’t afraid of pain or sad to be losing my foot, I was excited to see what God had for me next.
When it was time to go back for surgery, I didn’t grow anxious or nervous, where normally I need medication to calm my nerves and keep me from making myself physically sick. There was a calmness within me that truly gave me great peace, I felt completely covered in God’s protection. Surgery was successful and they were getting me ready to head home. I remember preparing myself for the pain, but it never came. I couldn’t process why there was no pain and later I realized that God’s sacrifice of his only son was for my pain, or so that I do not suffer in pain. During my entire recovery not once did I have to take pain medication. I slept through the nights pain free and adjusted to my new lifestyle with great ease. I give all honor and glory to God and his complete protection over me.
It is almost 2-years now and God has shown himself to me in so many ways. I’m maturing in my faith and letting strongholds go with each step. He allowed me to find my faith through my fears and learn to trust in Him. His strength has carried me through times of doubt or disbelief. He has delivered me to this place where I am now, walking pain-free and able to live a more purposeful life. I am on a path for His glory, and it is my prayer that I serve Him well.
Guest Blog Writer- Tamara Ely-Lane
